If One Must Gossip...II

Another week has gone by and gentle reader, and between taking in the newest installments in the Metropolitan Museum of Art (a hint, friends. skip the Model as Muse exhibit and attend the Bacon retrospective on a day when they common masses are not polluting your viewer pleasure by crowding each photograph with gaping mouths) and having the honor of viewing a great meeting of minds, I have taken it upon myself to assemble another cheat sheet to the whos, whats, whens, and wheres of the week, so that you may not find yourself suddenly without topic during conversation. Such as one Charles Allamange did when introduced to Madame Grand. Due to small skill I was able to learn from my childhood summers in Venice, I was able to jot down a quick sketch of her reaction to his sad attempt at conversation.


Esteemed actor and avid opponent of candid photography Sean Penn has rescinded his declaration of freedom by dismissing his petition for divorce from his wife, Robin Wright Penn. This marks the second time in three years that the Penn's have proceeded with a divorce and subsequently changed their minds (a move known among drawing rooms in the South as "The Catholic Shuffle"). Sources very close to myself have revealed, during a soiree over a few bowls of a most delightful gin spirit, that the relationship has been rockier than the state of British Raj, as Sean realized that Robin may have been a quick fix to fill the hole left by his abandonment of religious idolatry but was unfortunately entangled by the news of a little Penn before he could express his true feelings. Just goes to show you, ladies & gentlemen, that violence, even metaphoric violence like the shotgun wedding, never solves an issue for good.

Just as the sometimes brash Alec Baldwin, of whom everyone was finally forgetting his scandalous voicemail to his daughter from a year ago, was getting on the good side of the general public, he has now been banned from visiting the Philippines after a small joke about procuring a Filipino mail order bride. In the interest of full disclosure, I also am banned from entering the country and sympathize with Mr. Baldwin. During an charity event, I attempted to correct the Filipino Ambassador at the time, Benjamin Romualdez, about the origins of the dish Pepper Steak. After a heated exchange over the validity of his mother as a source, I proclaimed that only a nation of imbeciles would use the yo-yo as an example of their inventiveness, let alone as a weapon, and that the islands main achievement was in succeeding to be so sufficiently awful that the majority of the medical professionals run to the West as soon as they can. Needless to say I was promptly hit in the head with a yo-yo the ambassador had concealed from security and have washed my hands of the nation since. However, if history is any example, Alec will be welcomed back soon. Imelda Marcos spent the entire nation's GDP on shoes and chunky necklaces as part of a 20 year regime, and was only ousted from the country for seven years or so.

In art news, every freshly engaged couple who only wished they could find a photographer who was as good as Annie Leibovitz (who, will being one of the two photographers they know by name, is a better choice than the alternative...Anne Geddes) may now be able to get the real deal. Ms. Liebovitz has been struggling under the strain of unpaid bills due to a disastrous housing renovation. While Ms. Liebovitz was able to overcome her short-term problems by signing away the rights to all of her work she has done or will ever do, She now faces lawsuits from debt collectors who have been waiting in the wings who are tired of waiting and are prepared to cause Ms. Liebovitz to undergo the ghastly process of filing for bankruptcy.

Lastly, While some Parliament Members, Society Mavens, Journalistic bastians and myself have been down on the whole concept of twitter as of late, The website has discovered a way in which to redeem themselves. Faced with the problem of having to spend her says in the hospital for what her people have called a "routine check-up" that for some reason involves a few nights stay, Dame Elizabeth Taylor has boarded the Twitter coach and is glamorously giving us tid-bits of her personal life. While This contributor of Ladies Ampersand Gentlemen still encourages you to avoid the demon-website's advances and to engage in proper conversation in person or by polite 12 page, quill written epistles when unable to meet, I will be checking Dame Taylor's Twitter periodically for such gems as "When in Rome, check out my jewels at the Bulgari retrospective at Il Palazzo delle Esposizioni, the brand's first in 125 years." "Also...my jewelry is on display at Cartier in NYC this month to celebrate their 100th anniversary in America." and "Just saw "Twilight" on DVD. I want more!" For those interested I am currently planning a Twilight viewing party with White Diamonds herself.

I am now off to board a private plane leaving LaGuardia at 1:45 am for Monaco. I have private brunch date with Albert II, or Albie as I know him, and I will drink Bloody Marys off the West balcony and discuss a new plan for the World Music Awards in an effort to make them both prestigious and not so terribly boring. I will make sure my first missive upon arrival home will be to you, my dear friends,

Ta-