While retiring to my chic chaise for an evening of staying up to reset my circadian rhythms, which one is want to do when one has such a busy social calender as myself. I received an invitation to, if I could fit it in my busy schedule of taking in some local spirits at the classiest of establishments and artfully maneuvering my way through the business world, help the fine purveyors of this blog with with social needs. While dear Mr and Ms Ampersand can take you through how to behave in a social setting, it shall fall upon Scott and myself to supply you with what to discuss once you get there. I hope to be able to come to your aide to give you the knowledge for polite conversation of current issues, but not so current as to appear crass and one of the sad denizens of the Internet who frantically reload their favorite institutions of information. Be forewarned. only people of merit who have preformed an action that deems them worthy of the honor that comes with being featured in the annuls of Ladies Ampersand Gentlemen shall be discussed.
Someone who could use a good peek at our dear blog is one Gwyneth Paltrow. In her quest to be the classiest of ladies she has instead confused the idea of class with, how does one put this politely, being an arrogant bitch? Thankfully the good people at Daily Intel had time to take to note some of her previous offenses. She is been recently making headlines with her newest targets. Fat people and Scarlet Johanson. We'll take these on one at a time:
1) Gwyneth, most likely in a way to promote her new lifestyle website with the unfortunate name "GOOP" and her chain of gyms that are rumored to be failing before they even open, wishes to have a "intervention" for her only elephantine friend, Mario Batali. I'm sure he won't be insulted when you propose he uses some of your recipes like "Burnt to a crisp Bruschetta with no toppings", "Bowl of raw artichokes with a lemon wedge" and "Piece of zucchini with a cherry tomato." Instead of the recipes that made him a world renowned chef. If there is one thing that a person who has devoted their life to the cultivation of an art form, it's to be told they are doing it wrong by an amateur.
2)According to the Sun, Gwyneth is not happy that Scarlett Johanson is on the set of Iron Man II. While it is obvious that the Sun has chosen a side by the fact that Scarlett looks like something a gentlemen (or a lady, be she into that kind of thing) might have procured on Craigslist before they removed the "erotic services" link, it is interesting to note the problems she has with her. Sources say that Scarlett is "demanding of the crew" and "[Scarlett and Gwyneth]..have not developed a close friendship on the shoot" Apparently her grievance is that Scarlett is working or, to quote the classy people of reality t.v., "not here to make friends". Also takes crew away from listening to Gwyneth's demands. I am going to go out on a limb and say that Scarlett disagreed with Gwyneth on the idea that a jumpsuit is one of the 5 things every woman needs and Gwyn took offense.
While the Newspaper slowly dies, a discussion has slowly been gaining speed around cigar and tea parlors alike that while you may be able to get all your news via Internet blogs, it might not be such a good idea to trust the masses with such power. While literacy and proper training kept the unruly masses from overtaking the news of the past, Twitter is demonstrating time and time again that the Internet is no safe place to be out in unprotected. It's most recent victim was Patrick Swayze. After a radio station in Jacksonville, FL. claimed him to have departed this mortal coil, Twitter spread the news like wildfire to the point where his representation had to refute the claim. Had the proper barriers been in place, Reporters would have realized the news to be false since they would realize that a Jacksonville morning radio "host" is just a man with a communications degree from a local community college.
As the economy claims another victim, Paulina Porizkova has been ungraciously removed from her seat at the judging table on America's Next Top Model, by phone, on her birthday. ANTM scholar Rich Juzwiak has been chronicling her tirade against Tyra Banks (a gentleman lets the easy pun pass by, but comments on its existence least he be thought dim to not see it). Paulina, unlike the judges before her, is not taking the loss lightly and is giving weight to the rumors of polite society that Tyra Banks is in all reality a alien creature that feeds on your attention.
Television stations have for the most part announced their fall line ups. Some babes fell to the great plague known as "the Recession" (Kings, Terminator-The Sarah Connor Chronicles) and other shows which have seen their glory go by are sent, like the great French Lords and Ladies before them, to the guillotine (Prison Break, Samantha Who, King of the Hill, The Unit). The Napoleon of ABC, Ugly Betty, having failed to regain its former glory, is being banished to the Saint Helena of television- a Friday night time slot. Other shows are tactfully attempting a repatriation into other networks since they were cut for no apparent reason, having preformed better than the shows who have been assured a spot in the fall line up. Among these shows Medium, starring Patricia Arquette of the Motherfucking Crazy Arquettes, and My Name is Earl. A full list of those renewed and deceased is provided.
To end, I provide you with the first addition of Classy People in Classy Places. I came across David Hyde Pierce speaking at the Broadway Impact Gay Marriage Rally on Sunday. In true form he did not disappoint with his timeless wit. Truly, only a gentlemen can pull off speaking at a political rally without feeling to need to raise his voice.
Till we find ourselves again in a dark corner of the room, four punch glasses into the night,
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